.:ya talk too much:.

if it ever appears that i'm not really listening to you, more than likely i'm not. there are many different reasons, sometimes i'm too tired or just can't focus, and other times what you're saying is really of no interest to me (which is somewhat hard to do). i'll be the first to admit that while i love all of my friends, sometimes i really have to desire to listen to their rants about which shirt goes with which skirt. but sometimes i can't even listen to the less mundane topics, like the point of life, how to raise kids, growing materialism of youth, etc. i love all your ideas, but sometimes just let me have a break from the debating and listening. just sit and listen to the music of the world around you, that should be enough to keep your mind engaged.
much love from a tired prep.

.:i won:.

so i won NHS president. heh, now i've got a lot of power, jk jk. not like i'd do anything drastic. i'm going to make a site to keep people aware of what's happening within the society, and also post available service projects. if there's anything you need, or care to share about nhs feel free to email me (aol).

this has been an interesting year so far, i guess i'll have a lot to put down on my application when i apply to college. nhs president, girls state, uva summer course (existentialism), and some sort of award this thursday (and i have no idea what that is for... most likely spanish or russian). o and my sat scores (not that great though). oh course, now i just need to decide where i want to go.. hmm that should be too hard. hah.

yes..i'm still a prep... 

Homecoming! 

::strange week::

this has been a strange week so far. the sol scheduling is messing me up! we had NHS elections today, fingers crossed I'll be president! (if not, either of the two other guys are wonderful for the position so it's a win any outcome....just some hindu & buddhist thinkin there). i always can't help but laugh at some speechs (mine included). there always seems to be the speech which is a laundry list of qualifications, and the one which is hilarious but states nothing, or the like of mine which is motivational. some times i just get so annoyed with the laundry lists, not because i don't care--i would like a qualified person for whatever the task. but some times i would like to hear more about a candidate, i'd like to see some personality, something beyond just his actions--i'd like to see some heart, or rather, some compassion. the president is not the king of the club, he is the representative of the club, so of course i'd like to hear his ideas, but he needs to be open to other suggestions and open to the fact that what he wishes might not happen. ... well thats really enough of that ranting. oy.

.:hmm:.

you know, some people have made great concessions and sacrifices to become popular. of the popular kids i know, or have known, i can't really say anything ill of them; yet i cannot really speak ill of anyone, or i try not. but the sacrifices for popularity still strike me as some what baffling. i have seen girls go from sweet, innocent girls, to fake, licentious young women. i have seen them give up that which they held most sacred, be it their grades, their virginity, their honor, their money. yet that is something which they will have to reconcile with themselves one day, if at all. while these sacrifices are theirs alone to make, it is right, wrong or indifferent, a decision solely their own. what i wonder about, however, is not why they would give up that which they value most, but why for such a fleeting goal. it is often a celebration of those values most mundane.
popularity in high school lasts for four years, if she is even lucky enough to be popular for the whole reign. thus, they sacrifice themselves for four years of acknowledgment, of recognition, and of fear at times. yet, after their four years of reign, they are thwarted into college, a place where no one knows them, where they must remake themselves and sacrifice once more those values lost years before. college is no longer a 7 period day, no longer limited to 2,000 students, no longer a stage upon which to act out their lives. sure, they may join a sorority, date the quarterback, be the star cheerleader. yet out of the thousands of students, they are but a mere decimal, an infinitesmal member of the school.
few, if any, will ever make it to some sort of nation wide celebrity. rather those of us who sacrificed a party every weekend for a test, or for some other less mundane hedonist pleasure, we will enjoy some sort of celebrity sooner through our achievements, be them political, economic, medical, social.

.:beauty:.

if you look around, beauty is ubiquitous. in fact, one doesn't even need to look that far. beauty begins with us. whether or not you believe in God, there is something special about humans--the religious say that uniqueness is the image and likeness of God in us, the capability to become like Him (not become Him or another god, i'm not speaking mormon, though i love all my mormon friends). the nonreligious sometimes hold up the body as well--it is the realm of their/our existence, the place in which all emotions, sensations, feelings pass. so, look not far to first find beauty--and don't forget beauty is on the inside, not just on the outside. once you've found the beauty inside you, the beauty of creation is even more mesmerising. not only is there a world that is so harmoniously savage and refined, but we are apart of that paradoxical nature. the trees, the flowers, the bees, the meadow buzzing with life--awake and you shall see the beauty in each. worlds of color become present.

yet so far i have only talked of that beauty which is aesthetic, that beauty which is either pleasing to the eyes or nose or hands or hears or mouth, that beauty which is intrinsically part of the natural world. yet that beauty though hard to truly discover is not nearly as elusive as beauty in an artificial world. if you clear your head of all thoughts and just open your eyes to what is around you, be you at at a mall, an office building or a nuclear plant, open your eyes and open your eye. look not only with your eyes but with your eye. do not just scan the horizon, scourer the horizon, know every single shade of gray. realise every pixel in the monotonous color, light gray becomes as pink, darker gray as blue, a whole rainbow of monotone. to see that beauty is not a daily occurence, nor a particularly satisfying one should you care not for all beauty. yet if you open your eye and care for all of beauty, beauty is there, seek her and she will find you.